I Think I Won Christmas!

Well, you can stop searching, folks. I officially am the greatest Christmas gifter of all time. See, we have this rule at my bar that we’re only allowed to spend $10 on each other’s gifts. What am I supposed to get for $10? I guess I could have gone with something boring and generic like a 6 pack of beer, but there’s zero meaning behind that. I could have gone over-the-top and packaged 40 gumballs for each coworker, but let’s be honest; pink is the only good flavor,so the other 32 or so pieces would have been a waste.

So what’s the answer? Oh I don’t know, how about some real life “Like/Disklike” buttons? Now, I’ve come up with some pretty good ideas in my life. To this day, I still believe that I was the one who made up “BRB” on AIM back in the day. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that buying these “Like/Dislike” buttons was the best decision of my life. All my coworkers and I have been going around stamping “Like” or “Dislike” on literally everything. Phones, clothes, SKIN… you name it.

The search is over, people. JJ Mason is your 2012 Christmas gifting champion!

Bartender Gift Ideas!

Rangers Dodge a Huge Bullet Named Edwin

Happy freaking holidays! 4 years for $52 million was the best signing non-signing the Rangers have made this off season. Well that was close! I just don’t believe that this is the going rate for a pitcher of his caliber. Okay fine, he threw a no-hitter… on like 200 pitches! Give me that many pitches and a $52 million contract, and I guarantee I’ll get you a no-hitter this holiday season. Somehow, someway, for that money, I’ll get you your results.

But seriously, with rumors that the Rangers were seriously considering the wild fire-baller, I was THRILLED to hear that he will be disappointing Cubs fans for the next 4 years instead. Now let’s get one thing straight: Edwin Jackson will give you those nights of dominant pitching performances. There will be times where he channels his skills and hones his unpredictability, resulting in a lights out start. But these will be few and far between. The Rangers don’t need to rely on wildcards like Jackson. We have proven talent, and unlike the Cubs, we are not in a position where we need to take a giant risk in an attempt to reach the Promised Land of Christmas miracles. Once again, laying off Jackson may prove to be the best decision the Rangers make this offseason. Now I would love to see them use that money elsewhere.

The Rangers CANNOT lose Josh Hamilton

 

The Rangers CANNOT lose Josh Hamilton. 6 years, 7 years, hell, I’d pay him for 20 years. The man is completely justified in seeking his long-term contract; letting any other team sign him would be a catastrophic mistake for the Rangers. This team revolves around Hamilton. Plain and simple, we’ve had a nice few years of deep October success, and while the pitching has been nice, anybody who’s watched more than a couple games will tell you it’s the offense. This juggernaut of a lineup instills fear into the minds of opposing pitchers, but the machine doesn’t run without #32 right in the middle of it.

Do your remember the years of irrelevance? They weren’t that long ago, so you probably should. Or how about the late 90s/early 2000s when we would make the playoffs with guys like Kapler or Palmerio, but fall at the hands of a team like the Yankees in the first round? Josh Hamilton is the difference maker. Even when he’s cold, his name alone protects this lineup.

I know he has his off-field issues, but don’t we all? Okay, I guess we don’t all get into the same sort of trouble he does, but everyone has their weaknesses. Just look at the numbers- have his vices really affected his production? Not for one second. When he’s in a groove, he’s the best lefty bat in the league, and he can singlehandedly carry a team for weeks at a time. Let’s just hope that team is the Rangers for the next 6-7 years.